Stepping Into My Self-Worth And Owning That Shit.

The Wild Unknown has fast become a way for my shadows to show me who they are and have their presence acknowledged once and for all. The Runes I cast for the August Rune Challenge on IG are backing my shadows and demanding I give them the release they deserve. The message is loud clear – to the Sun I shall lead my shadows, to give us both the warmth filled grace of release.

The Father of Pentacles stepped forward yesterday and it spoke of self-worth.

Consider how the Father of Pentacles’ personality traits are playing out in your situation. Consider how consistency and reliability are being portrayed by yourself and others. Focus on solutions and step fully into your self-worth. Accentuate what you CAN do and own your abilities! – Carrie Mallon

I thought I had self-worth in abundance but it would seem my actions have painted a very different story. I found myself with a friend discussing this subject and he told me many things, many truths that were hard to swallow but I sat there and I listened. I absorbed every word he said and I took responsibility for those words by owning them because he spoke the truth. His blade was sharp but didn't cut deeply. It was just enough to get me to see the folly of my ways. For that I am grateful.

I'm focused on rebuilding my self-worth and also working on my self-love. Part of this rebuilding is smashing my poverty conscious mindset and the only way I can do this is to step away from people who help perpetuate this cycle through negative reinforcement. Cleaning up my environment to make way for good things to enter. Through positive visualisation. I want to be self-assured without the arrogance. I have conviction up the wazoo but I feel a lot of it has been funnelled into the wrong things so I have to pull it all back and reassess where it goes. I have many skills and I have owned ALL these skills. I don't put myself above others simply because I can do something they cannot. They too, can do things I cannot. I know I can achieve anything I put my mind to because I've done it before, a few times so now is not going to be any different.

My serious lack of self-worth I believe is in the relationship department. Mostly with how I see myself. I don't view myself in a good way and I've become very needy and this projects outwards. All too often I find myself in abysmal partnerships, finding myself a victim of my own making. I can't lay all the blame at my ex-partners feet because I put myself there. So I'm going to take the time to work on me and give myself the good stuff. To show myself, I too am deserving. I'm giving myself permission to be selfish for a little while I fix the broken parts.

I've been working on rebuilding my body through doing yoga every morning. At some point I will get back into strengthening but for now Yoga is where it's at. I feel great too. I have more energy. More clarity. I can feel my body starting to change. I'm eating healthier. I feel less depressed. It feels great. Im pushing myself out of comfort zones and starting to move toward building a solid foundation. I'm taking back my power and my identity; getting my shit together. I'm loving that my shadows and I are starting to work together. It's been a long time coming but better late than never.

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